DUO Blog

Thanks for all your feedback on the chapter --both here and on the DUO Blog. I know it has been a while since I posted. I've had some really insanely busy few weeks with work, vacation with the rents and other stuff happening. Some bad news/ Good news...

I've been laid off from my job.

Completely sucks for me, but is kinda good for anyone reading the story. This week I shall have pretty much nothing else to do but write. Expect a chapter soon. :)

The Stone's Throw

I’m forever telling the Americans that I live “A stone’s throw away from Detroit” because most of them can’t find Canada on a map. Just kidding… sort of.

This picture further illustrates said proximity for those who don’t yet know that sometimes photo illustrations can just = pretty damned redundant.

As we can clearly see in that fab pic of what is mostly NOT my motherland, I clearly use the term “A stone’s throw” loosely, for when I DID throw a stone at the D-Dot it obviously didn’t knock out any windows of the fabulous GM Renaissance Building.

You get the picture(s) now though…. yes?

Awesome.

From here on in...

Yeah, I guess I have been busy lately. Got a new job a few weeks ago. Housekeeping. As I say the word ‘Housekeeping’ it sounds much more glamorous than it really is, if that is even possible.  Part of me really likes this job and the other half hates myself for that. Not that there is anything wrong with being a housekeeper at all. It is sometimes hard work, depending on the house, but it is well earned money when the pay is fair. And it is giving others a helping hand, which I have always liked to do. So yeah, all around, not a bad job at all. But it is the reason why I like it that has me a bit down on myself.

I like the job because I can be alone.

I have a boss who works in separate parts of these huge houses, but the majority of my day is spent all by lonesome amongst rich folks’ crap… at times literally, unfortunately. And I like that because I like to hide. Which if you ever really met me in real life, you wouldn’t really believe that. I am very outgoing. When I have to be in a crowd, I can –and usually do—shine . I do well at social gatherings.

Outwardly.

Inwardly, I am the biggest coward in the world.

Fact: I’m a singer. And not the “I like to sing in the shower but stray alley-cats screech with me if I open the window” kind of singer. I mean like I’ve been offered deals and have performed on hundreds of stages.

“Blowing your own horn much, Luv?”

No, because I’m not singing now. To anyone. And haven’t since 2003.

My god, I loved to perform. The feeling of getting on stage and looking out over the audience… the bigger the better. The butterflies, the energy, the lights, the silent pause before the first note of the song, when everything is silent and you know there are a lot of people waiting for something. Wanting something great from you. The delivery. The applause. It rocked so hard!

And now I’m so much more comfortable scrubbing wealthy people’s shitty toilets in solitude because I’ve lost myself and every single one of my dreams. Where and why, that baffles me. I don’t know where the constant negative internal dialogue came from, but I’m so beyond sick of it!

Is this the only job I could possibly get? I could get out there and look for something in the area of work that may one day lead me towards my true dreams. But I’m settling.

I'm 34 years old.

34

Have all my opportunities washed away or is there one or two left out there to grab a hold of before the curtain closes?

Of course, those of you who are past the age of 34 are rolling your eyes and telling me to snap out of it. That I am actually very young and can do almost anything from here on in. Indulge me, I can’t see the future and it doesn’t feel that way.

This week while at work, all alone and hiding from my dreams, I focused on that contrast of desire between where I was in my reality and where I really wanted to be. I tried to imagine that I was back on stage. That I was hearing the applause and seeing the smiles I had put on peoples faces. I imagined the heat from the lights and that breathless pause…

I want it.

All of it.

And I am so sick of watching others do it and wishing I hadn’t lost my voice. The voice of my indestructible spirit. I’m tired of other performers’ success making me sad.

The plan: I’m going to try out for the next open singing part at the local theatre here in Windsor.

You may tell me to be realistic and not to expect much, but if you could understand just how damaging all the low-expectations I’ve held have been…

I’d rather try and fail, than to still be sitting here next year lamenting over my missed opportunities.

Housekeeping is a great job, good money for actual hard work. I’m grateful to have it to help put food on our table. But it isn’t where I truly want to be.

I’m not expecting the moon and all of the stars here….just want to feel those lights on my face.

Stay tuned.

What The Heck Do I Do Now?

I thought about doing more 'Who Am I?' stuff to help you get to know me better, and then I sat here all day and changed the looks of the blogs every five minutes. UGH! Still not 100% satisfied, but oh well. Such as with life --it's just a learning game.


          Wow, that totally just reminded me of the Edison Twins theme song. And thanks to the wonders of technology you can get in on the capricious cogitation happening in my brain right now....enjoy!

A blast from the past, that was!


(I'm going to have to watch it with the video displays of my internal thoughts...luckily that one was G-rated.)


Anyway, I've been trying to reflect on what to blog about --in between template changes, of course-- and I haven't any confidence in my ideas. I'm afraid what I may think is funny, intriguing or entertaining may just completely bore or alienate the passerby perusers or my fantastic fanatics. And yeah, Tom & Annie Edison, life may be just a learning game, but I have always hated learning things the hard way. I want to cheat with this lesson.


Tell me some of the things you'd like to see on this blog or else put up with whatever I throw at you.


I guess that's the name of the game with blogging though. People can just be themselves and say what they want? Alright, I shall have a go at it.


I will do a bit of the 'getting to know you' jazz tomorrow and simultaneously try and lure you into keeping up with my extraordinarily brilliant future postings. :P


Yeah, I may be crazy but ....